I dont know who Lincoln Freimund is but I like his style.......

“Gentlemen, at approximately nine o’clock last night, a small scouting force was sent into the vicinity of my liver. They’ve not been heard from. A rescue force was dispatched, but they, too, have been lost. I’m afraid I have no choice but to declare a state of full-scale war with my liver. Time for a martini.”
Lincoln Freimund rallies the troops on New Year’s Eve.